The Beautiful Wound

I’ve been reminded repeatedly this week that we were made for community.  However, the kind of community we need most in our current circumstance (that is, living imperfect lives in an imperfect world) is the kind of community most of us are least likely to seek out or embrace when it is offered to us.  We need the friendship and fellow-traveling of people who are willing to tell us what we really need: where our blind spots are, and just how much danger lurks in them, and how we can change.

I’ve been in so many situations in the past 5 days where that sort of community was needed that there are at least a handful of people who might read this and say “He’s talking about me!  How dare he!”  I’m not talking about you; I’m talking about us.  Because I need that community as much as you do.  I need someone I trust to actually want the best for me who is also able to tell me where I’m accepting less than the best, and how it’s impacting all of us.  I need to know that person is going to keep loving me, even if I don’t change right away, even if I can’t change right away.  I need to know that person loves me unconditionally.

If we’re doing it right, the church is supposed to be that sort of community.  I hope you have that kind of community in your life.

Hope Touches Us

I think the most difficult aspect of living with a chronic condition is maintaining hope.  As a pastor, I have been a fellow traveler with many people through illnesses and conditions that had no prospect for improvement, and watched them confront that reality.  As a father of two sons on the autism spectrum I have been on a journey of discovering from the inside what it is to live with a situation that changes, but does not resolve.  If hope is desiring something with an expectation of attainment or arrival, chronic illnesses or conditions that we will carry to the end of our days would seem to crush hope.  For hope to have any weight against such a force, it must have a quality or substance which is beyond what we measure in the world of time and matter.  This idea forms a kind of lens through which I have seen much of what I observe or experience for many years now.  It is through that lens that I found the new television show “Touch” to be so disappointing.

I have been trying to write about this for more than a week, since Fox premiered “Touch”, featuring Kiefer Sutherland.  When the show was first promoted, it was about a kid with autism and his dad, but by the time the show got to air, there was a clear attempt to back away from that idea (in the pilot, there is a scene where a social worker refers to the boy having autism, and the father responds that there are several labels that have been applied to Jake, but none of them quite fit).  Instead, the premise is that the boy has a special gift which enables him to understand and interact with numbers in a way that few can.  This gift allows him to see connections between people that are invisible to the rest of us, according to the show’s “guru” (played by Danny Glover), who seems to be an apostle of new-agey pseudo-science.

I was prepared to hate this show.  In fact, the first promo I saw on television seemed so trite and simplistic I began to cry with anger.  I told my wife I was sure I was going to hate this show, and that I was going to use this and other venues to make that plain.  As the show drew closer, I read whatever I could find about it.  Then, I watched the show, and realized it wasn’t what I expected it to be.

Which is not to say that I was pleasantly surprised.  I was actually even more disappointed than I expected to be.  A week’s worth of reflection on it has helped me to see that hope is at the center of much of my disappointment and dissatisfaction.

The show’s back and forth behavior about the boy’s condition is the first problem.  The previews of the show prepared me to expect the boy to be more of a plot device than an actual character – an update of the “magical negro” – and the indecision about if he has autism or not continues to feed that suspicion.  I read one interview (which I can no longer find) from show creator Tim Kring in which he said that the boy’s autism-like affect was a plot device to help make the story “timely” or “relevant”.  However, this interview with Sutherland suggests not only that the autism diagnosis hasn’t been dropped, but there will be a special effort to show autism in an authentic way.    Considering that his “autism” enabled him to see the future in the pilot episode, that’s going to be an uphill battle.  It is easy to imagine the contours of the boy’s “condition” conveniently matching the needs of future episodes again and again.  People (not people with autism, all people) deserve more respect and dignity than to be reduced to plot-moving devices by lazy writers.

Since it has been revealed that Kring has a son on the autism spectrum, I hoped he would understand that. Unfortunately, this is a man with a sketchy history when it comes to creating well-developed and consistent television characters.  As was the case with his last show “Heroes”, the early returns suggest that the story he wants to tell is the big thing, and the characters will fit into that story, coherently or not.

The story Kring wants to tell is the second, and larger, source of my vexation.  His story – his hope – is grounded in the notion that everything is connected in ways we cannot see and rarely discern.  The point of “Touch” seems to be to tweak reality (hence the boy’s pseudo-autism) to emphasize this notion of interconnectedness and purpose in a world that seems to be cruel, random and without meaning.  By telling a story with harrowing and heartbreaking notes which ultimately resolve into a coherent and hopeful chord revealing cosmic purpose, Kring is trying to give hope to the hopeless.  In fact, Sutherland referenced that hopeful thread in one of his interviews when he said “wouldn’t it be great if the world worked like that?”  The fact that it doesn’t – unless kids with autism actually are super-evolved inter-connectors – means that this is a hope that can’t last past the end of each episode.  It’s a fairy tale.

My family’s life is no fairy tale.  It is also not hopeless.  My sons are magnificent, and each of them is advanced in their own ways, and each of them finds it almost impossible to do things that virtually everyone else takes for granted.  Sometimes our life together is beautiful and laughter-filled and awe-inspiring.  Sometimes our life is ridiculously complicated, and after years of it still causes me to cry with frustration.  But through it all, I have hope, and it is grounded in this: Jesus is Lord.  Every time I try to tell you why that’s enough hope, my sentences fall apart, but it is true.  And when this life is over, Jesus will still be Lord.  And whatever we become, in this life and beyond, Jesus will still be Lord.  Our troubles may be chronic, but they are not eternal.  Thanks be to God.

Without a Doubt

Just a quick moment of celebration.

As we (St. Paul Church) are preparing to launch a new ministry that we believe will be a huge blessing to kids in our community, we have seen hurdles pop up several times.  And, time after time, God has lifted us over those hurdles: first, we had unexpected expenses, and God provided people with enthusiasm for the ministry who were willing to meet those expenses.  Then, we were unsure who would do the work, and God has been gathering his workers over the last 36 hours.

To see God provide the answer again and again reminds me that he is always the right one to bring my questions.

The Power of an Unplanned Visit

So, I woke up late.  And Christy woke up late.  And Zach didn’t want to wake up at all.  Bless him, Josh was on the move.

Our mornings at this point call for getting the boys ready for school in time to take Christy to work, and then get back to put the boys in the taxi that takes them to school.  So, we get everyone to the car, but several minutes later than we would prefer, and as we back out of the driveway, we see the taxi pull up, about 10 minutes early,  in front of the house (instead of the side of the house, where we have a sidewalk to the street – this will be important momentarily).

As I swing the van around the front of the house, Christy opens the window and tells the driver, ‘We’re just taking me to work, and he’ll be back with the boys within 10 minutes, okay?” But even as she’s saying it, I can see the look of confusion and irritation clouding over taxi-driver’s face.  “You want to take the kids now?  You’re going to get to school too early” (and Christy’s going to get to work too late, I”m thinking).  Of course he does.  So, I swing the van in front of the taxi, and tell Josh to run in the house to get his and Zach’s backpacks.  I run up to the house with him, to unlock the door, and grab Zach’s pack from him to carry it to the car; as I hit the first step of grass (remember that sidewalk that the taxi didn’t pull up to?) WOW I’M FLYING/HORIZONTAL AND DOWN on my side in the snow and slush.  In the clothes I planned to wear to the office today.

Now I’m mad at the taxi driver.  I’m mad at unusually warm January weather melting this snow.  I’m mad.

Boys in the taxi, Christy back in the van, race her to work, almost 10 minutes late, then head back for home, trying to figure out what to wear today.

As I get out of the van in the driveway, one of our churchgoers pulls up and says, “Good morning! Have you got a few minutes?” Well no, I sure don’t, because I’m wet and irritated. “Sure, let’s go inside.”

And we proceed to have a great 45 minutes of getting to know each other better, some useful insights on a task I’m going to do later this week, and encouragement about what I do as a preacher.  By 9:00, the entire kerfuffle – yes, I said it: kerfuffle – that was 7:55-8:15 is gone.

Community is a blessing.  And God, the Author of Community, is good.

Genre Studies

I’m currently flying through Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. I started reading a couple weeks ago when I was hanging out with Zach in the Meijer toy department at 2 a.m.*, and it grabbed my interest enough that I bought a copy, even though I’ve got several more important books I’m supposed to be reading at the moment.

*When Zach has an occasional sleepless night, which is one of the side benefits of autism, I’ve found that he enjoys going to the local Meijer and sorting the shelves in their toy department.  It soothes him, and keeps him from waking up everyone else in the house.  And, all of Meijer’s Elmo toys get the orderly sorting they deserve.  Everyone wins.  

It wasn’t until this past weekend, when I’m almost done with the book, that I realized that it is considered by some to be Young Adult Lit.  This always makes me a bit uncomfortable, as though I’m wasting my time or “slumming it” literarily.  In fact, Daniel Radcliffe pointed straight at my feelings on this during his Saturday Night Live monologue this week: “To all of the adults who bought the Harry Potter books and devoured them I just want to say: those books were for children.  You were reading children’s books.”  However, I’m ready to reject the label on Miss Peregrine and continue to read without embarassment.

I think we’ve become too specialized in this regard.  Is the book YA because the narrator is a 16 year old?  Is it because the author has given his narrator an authentic 16-year-old’s tone?  I consider this a good thing (preferable, for example, to 29 year olds playing high school students).  It is not beneath adults to read an engaging and thoughtful story just because the story isn’t told by their own peers.  In fact, isn’t that part of the power of literature, to tell us stories that aren’t our own?